Giggling

One thing I should do is get better at naming these things. Maybe I'll start numbering them like Stuff Christians Like, or using song titles like Kelsey. I don't really know, but they need some work.

The point of today's post:

Do you think its possible that God giggles?

I know its a very feminine thing to do, but do you think its possible?

Or maybe, even though its a little cruel, do you think sometimes He laughs at us?

Today, I was driving home feeling sorry for myself. I was in a bummy mood, had had a bad day, and was basically going through a list of things in my life that aren't going so great right now. I was being the ultra in over dramatic, but you know how sometimes you just get in one of those moods?

Anyways, here's what I think God was doing at that time:

Laughing, in a very deep manly way, or perhaps giggling

(I can't exactly picture which one fits best.)

Oh Jenna, Jenna, Jenna. Why are you so ridiculously overdramatic? Why don't you just start wearing skinny jeans and black eye liner and listening to screamo music? Don't you know that I have blessed you in ways you don't realize? Don't you know that I am always looking out for you? Sometimes you act like such a child. I'll show you. Wait until you see what I have waiting at home for you. Then, we can both laugh at how ridiculous you are being.

I don't know why God talks in italics. It just fits.

I also think God would have much better vocabulary, but you get the idea.

When I came home, I found a $1300 donation for my trip to Uganda. My trip is virtually paid for.

I bet God got a great laugh (or giggle) out of my reaction.

I don't know if the people who donated are comfortable with me saying their names online, but I will say this:

If you ever have a need for propane, contact Webberville Propane.

They have some great people over there.

Truly Blessed,
Jenna

Fear

Fear is really an usual emotion. It can make you do a lot of odd things.

For example, my fear of needles has me crying, hyperventilating, and shaking like a child in the doctor's office over a shot at the age of 21. Its really rather embarrassing.

My fear of giving birth causes me to get goosebumps and feel sick to my stomach anytime the topic of a child going through the birthing canal comes up.

Oddly enough, I am more nervous about all the new people that are going to be in Uganda than I am about the remaining shots I have or even traveling to Uganda in general because of my fear of talking to people I don't know for the first time.

Seeing the movie Taken has given me a new fear about traveling alone in London.

But, I don't want to be the type of person who lets their fear get in the way.

In the past, I have let my fear of loneliness keep me in relationships much longer than I should have been.

I have let my fear of disappointing people cause me to say yes in situations where I wanted to say no.

I have friends who are finishing school soon and are going to graduate school. This is not because they have always had a dream about getting their Master's or because their field requires it, but because they fear entering the real world of responsibilities and leaving the comforts of their college lifestyle.

I also have friends who have thrown away great relationships because they let their fear of commitment convince them that something great wasn't right. They were so afraid of committing to a great person that they created problems and wrong feelings that didn't really exist to keep the thing they feared away.

I once had a friend who passed up on the opportunity to travel to another country because of their fear of trying new foods.

Like I said, fear can make people do odd things. I'd love to hear about the odd things that fear makes you or someone you know do, but that's not the point of this post.

The point is to say that I think we can do two things with fear:

1. we can run away from it, or
   
2. we can face it and over come it.

Francis Chan says the following things about fear in his book Crazy Love:

"But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through."

"Much of our talk doesn't match our lives. We says thing like, 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,' and 'Trust in the Lord with all of your heart.' Then we live and plan like we don't believe God even exist. We try to set our lives up so everything will be fine even if God doesn't come through. But true faith means holding nothing back. It means putting every hope in God's fidelity to His promises."

Me?

I don't want to let the fear of what might happen if I really live my life the way God wants me to to get in the way of really living my life the way God wants me to.

I don't want to wake up one morning and say:

What if?

Excited about what really living really brings,
Jenna

Randomness

A few random things to share with you:

1. I thought I was going to be a little bummed about everyone having Spring Break the week after me, but in actuality, it ended up making my Spring Break seem like it was two weeks long, which was wonderful. I spent some time at the beach, hung out with my family, and spent a lot of time with friends. It was absolutely fabulous.

2. I have been driving my sister's car the last couple of days while mine has been in the shop. I hope that every car I drive in the future has a sun roof, there is something incredible about opening a sun roof on a warm night and playing the music a little too loud.

3. I have received a bunch of checks this week for Uganda. I have now successfully paid for my plane ticket and my room and board in full. I'm about 2,000 short of my goal.

4. Very soon, I would like to have a day where all I do is sleep. I am oh so very busy trying to make my last 2 months at school memorable. It is exhausting.

5. Lastly, I feel like I may be having a mid-life crisis. Well, not really a mid-life crisis. If we assume that the average person lives to 80ish, then I would be at a quarter life crisis. That's besides the point. The point is, I realized my time left in the college lifestyle is down to about 2 months. My time before the real world is down to 1 year, 2 months and 3 days, but, who's counting? I want to accomplish a lot before this moment arrives, so in my usual list fashion, here is a list of things I would like to complete before graduation:

1. Take an oil painting class
2. Learn how to use a sewing machine and make some of my own clothes
3. Visit the Grand Canyon
4. Go on a roadtrip with the sunroof open
5. Wait tables
6. Take a photograph that is pretty enough to be framed and called art
7. Go to Vegas
8. Apply to be on a reality TV show.

I tried to round it out with an even 10, but that's all I have for now. Let me know if you want to help me overcome my quarter life crisis.

Living life,
Jenna

Update

My soccer team lost bad last weekend. Really bad. But the best part is? After the game, all the girls could do was talk about how much fun they had. They loved it and they have improved a lot, even during the game. That's what's important to me. I'm having a blast coaching them. In fact, practice is probably my favorite part of the week, and coaching their game was more fun than I've had in a while!

In the area of Uganda, I've bought my plane ticket, sorted out all my fiances, and applied for my visa. If you ever need to apply for a visa to Uganda, just know, they don't play around. I felt like I was applying for a new identity. There were so many different forms required I had to use one of those big Post Office envelopes to send it all. Anyways, cross your fingers that I get approved!

Speaking of fiances, I have been greatly blessed in the Africa department. For about a week after I mailed out my letters, I received a few donations a day, all totaling about 600 dollars. I was so relieved! Thank you so much to everyone who has donated!

Then, I started getting other letters back, not letters with money in them, but letters returned to me because the addresses weren't correct. In fact, for 3 days in a row, I only got these types of letters. And even though God had been blessing me a few days before, I immediately started to doubt Him again.

Why do I do this? I really need to figure that out.

Anyways, I think God constantly likes to remind me that he knows better than me, because here's what happened yesterday:

I got two envelopes in the mail from the same person, which I thought was a little weird. I opened one, and it was a 500 dollar donation from a woman my mom used to teach with. She has always had a very kind and generous heart, so expected a donation, but not one that substantial.

Then, I opened the other one. Not only did this woman write her own personal check, she told a friend down the street about me, and that woman made a 300 dollar donation. Note: I have never, ever met, spoken to, or laid eyes on this woman. I couldn't even come close to picking her out of a line up, and she still made such a substantial donation to my trip. I was floored.

Later that night, my Papa called and said that he would cover all the expenses of my trip that I don't get in donations.

I was moved to tears by the donations of family, friends, and complete strangers. My trip to Uganda is completely paid for no matter what happens. God has blessed me so much by putting people in my life that care enough about me to support what God has called me to do.

Odds are, if you're reading this, you are probably one of those people, so just know that everyday I thank God for you!

Counting my Blessings,
Jenna

Back Up Plans

Can I be completely honest with you? Sometimes, I tend to have completely unrealistic expectations of life.

For example, I sent my sponsorship letters for Uganda on Thursday, and a got some calls and texts from people who had received my letters on Friday. Logically, doing the time in my head, I figured that if people got my letters on Friday, and were just as excited about Africa as I am, they would have immediately written a check and mailed it back, meaning that today, my mail box should have been flooded with letters.

I had my thank you notes ready, and I even put a letter in the mailbox and put the flag up so I would know when the mailman had come.

So today, when I got home from school, and the fateful mailman had indeed come, I raced outside, opened my mailbox waiting for so many letters that they would, indeed, spill out, only to discover.....

Some ads.

I know it was ridiculous to think that letters would actually come. But like I said, I have ridiculous expectations from life.

So then, obviously I had a little freak out session. What if no one wants to sponsor my trip? What if people don't think a trip to Africa is a good idea and therefore don't want to support it? What if no money is coming? How am I going to pay for this trip all on my own?

I then do what I always do next. I created a back up plan. I do this constantly. If I don't meet the man I'm going to marry? I'm adopting a kid at 30. If I don't think I can pass a class I'm in? I start looking at other career path options in case I really do end up failing. Everything in my life has a back up path.

It's annoying. It's one of the reason I'm going to Africa. I depend too much on my back up plans and not enough on God, and its pretty hard to set up back up plans in a place like Uganda.

Anyways, I immediately rushed inside and looked up the credit line on my credit card and discovered that if I can save up just $500 from working, then I can charge the rest to my credit card, just in case no money comes in.

What a relief!

Until I was reminded of a passage that I read in Francis Chan's book Crazy Love. The quote that's really been sticking with me says "We try to set our lives up so everything will be fine even if God doesn’t come through." Chan talks about how truth faith is putting ourselves in situations that can only be successful with God.

Why do I always think that God is going to fail me? Why do I always believe that God, who loves me more than everyone else in the world combined, would not have my best interest at heart? Would not be looking out for me and His plan for me?

No more stressing out for me. It's all yours now God.

Giving Up Back Up Plans,
Jenna